god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
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