Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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