I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
