He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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