I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize