Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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