Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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