so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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