When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
