So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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