I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Randomize
