She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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