toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
