I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
