I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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