after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
