I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
