my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize