google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
