So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
As shirtless as possible
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
