ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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