there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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