i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
