I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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