and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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