You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
