i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
