i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
