Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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