Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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