if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
