mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
porn star boner night. come get it.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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