u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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