i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
