i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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