I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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