I can text with my tongue
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Let the clothes fall where they may.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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