Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Your penis caused this!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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