I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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