Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
