physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
