It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
