I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
