so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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