The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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