I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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