I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
