i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize
