Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
