Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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