I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
