After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
