He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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