just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
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