Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
