do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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