The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
