sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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