I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
