Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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