she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You are a genius and a whore.
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