I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
