I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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