I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
