I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize