Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
