we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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