They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
