I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
