I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
