I swear she didn't look like that last week.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
