Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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