3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
My balls are so social today.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
