Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
