...so i touched it.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
